Author Archives


House of Pain

The next several days are kind of a blur in my memory. There was a lot of sitting around, waiting for news. Waiting for the results of various tests. Waiting for a doctor to come talk to us. Waiting to see how she would respond to medicine or treatment. Waiting to know what to feel.

Burden in my Hand

By the time we finally saw her, Claire was doped up on post-surgery meds and feeling no pain. Her smile when she saw me and Courtney was huge, and she threw open her arms like she could hug us from the hospital bed, but she was reclined back and there were tubes in her arms […]

The Concept, Teenage Fanclub

I drove and Court navigated. She had of course already looked up the directions on how to get there. Carynne had taught her well. At one point she told me to get off at the next exit. I could see the toweringly tall Waffle House sign so I asked, “If we’re getting off here, anyway, […]

Life is a Highway

Court and I got on a crack of dawn flight, which as you can guess was not my favorite thing. Business class was all we could get, which was fine. I declined the bloody mary they offered me when we boarded and slept the whole way to Tennessee. I honestly don’t remember whether we flew […]

Love Is On The Way

Court arrived while I was on the phone. I wasn’t really absorbing what Flip was saying. He was trying to be his usual, well, flippant self, and you know how he was always matter-of-fact about medical things. But my brain just wasn’t absorbing his words well. So I had to keep asking things like “does […]

Everybody Hurts

I should’ve known by then that Ziggy’s motto was applicable to all things in life. Ziggy’s motto, or maybe it was more of a worldview since it came in a lot of different expressions, was basically nothing is ever just an either/or proposition. Don’t make fake divisions. No false dichotomies. It’s not just that things […]

Welcome to the Cheap Seats

I was kind of on autopilot when Court and I came up out of the subway. A glance at the twin towers to orient myself toward downtown and I started walking west toward Ziggy’s. Court whistled from behind me. “Other way, big brother.”

Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong

Jonathan and his boyfriend (same guy I had met before) were in a three-bedroom place on the Upper West Side that apparently belonged to Davide’s family. Court and I got there around the same time and went in together. She was in full on punk mode, in a secondhand leather jacket I didn’t remember, a […]

Love Spreads

From Ziggy’s I tried calling Flip on the bag phone but all I got was a “subscriber is unavailable or out of range” message. Out of range? Like, what, on another planet? There was no voice mail or anything like that. He had my pager number so I figured there were no emergencies but it […]

Scar Tissue

The next day was my next hand appointment. I woke up feeling ill. It felt like a hangover, that vaguely queasy and head-achey feeling, you know? But we hadn’t been drinking the night before. I lay there awake trying to make sure I was remembering it. Right. We had Chinese take-out with Barrett and Carynne. […]