Devil in Her Heart by Bonnie Sinnock

Author’s note:  This story is told from Claire’s – Daron’s mom’s – point of view.

 

I had that dream again about my lost boys, the one that’s triggered whenever I catch a hint of their work in the open air.

I’m in my choir robes, but instead of the organ playing, I’m backed by Daron strumming a hymn on an acoustic.

It’s beautiful until Remo steps in. He plays a burning electric lick that makes the music change in a way I don’t want it to. I stop and look to the side in shame because part of me wants to continue singing with it.

That’s when I see Digger standing there in the wings, drunk-sinner pale. I can’t bear to look at him, so I head the opposite direction from where he is, seeking an escape.

I have to walk by Daron as I do. He reaches out like he wants me to stay. My mother’s heart feels pain, but he looks too much like his dad.

So I keep walking.

I look out into the audience to see what they think of me leaving the stage. I catch a glimpse of Courtney in the front row, arms folded across her chest, heart closed.

My older girls are waiting in the wings. They enfold me in their arms, and the evil noise dies down, muffled by their embrace.

The only thing that bothers me at this point in the dream is that I was too weak to save them all, and that when I look into my older girls’ eyes, it’s not grace I see. Instead, it’s jealousy and the look of sibling rivalry won by default.

I wake and know I have a lot more praying to do.

8 Comments

  • s says:

    Oooh, I like this. The dynamics between Daron’s family members are really interesting and not covered much in the story (since he doesn’t really like to think about it). Sometimes it’s easy to forget that Claire is actually a ‘real’ person with her own demons to battle. Very nice look into her mind.

  • chris says:

    I have always wondered how Claire really felt or if she had regrets…she always sounds like such a witch. Great take on that perspective and I would love to hear more…any plans to add to the story?

  • Bonnie says:

    Thanks for reading this and commenting. I’ve thought about writing more but I think I would need to read/re-read the passages there are about her first because I’d like to stay true to the story. Also I feel that I must mention that the amp I used at band practice tonight was tricked out like a 1970s rec room and had the word “Nomad” on it.

  • Bonnie says:

    BTW I do think Daron’s mom is too cold and controlling, and it’s not fair to him, especially since Digger’s no prize, either. Remarkable that he stays as rational as he does. Hope to read other reader’s takes and riffs on things this summer.

  • sanders says:

    I’ve come back and read this a couple of times. It’s a skillfully written look at a character I’m not sure many of us have given due consideration, and I’m glad you shared it, Bonnie.

  • Amber says:

    This is a really interesting look into Claire’s character.

    I love this part: The only thing that bothers me at this point in the dream is that I was too weak to save them all, and that when I look into my older girls’ eyes, it’s not grace I see. Instead, it’s jealousy and the look of sibling rivalry won by default.

    It gives a glimpse into the sibling dynamic in the family as well.

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