I Ain’t Gonna Stand For It

We didn’t end up stopping for pizza after all. We got a bad vibe about the place as we looked in. A big guy was shouting at the cashier in a rather belligerent way. We steered clear and ended up in the bar of a small hotel just on the other side of Market.

I ordered a bourbon and a bowl of Maraschino cherries and then went and washed my hands. Twice.

Ziggy went and did the same. When he came back I had decided what to say.

“What in the fucking fuck was that the fuck about,” I said.

“Too much?”

“Ziggy!”

“Shh, shh. Sorry. I got carried away. You know I don’t think straight when my penis is doing the thinking. And neither do you.”

“Don’t blame it on that. That’s like saying you’re not responsible for what happens when you drink. Only worse. ‘Sorry, man, I saw a sexy girl in a TV commercial and just couldn’t help myself?'” I sat back as the waitress put our drinks down, along with the bowl of cherries. She put a bowl of bar mix down in front of Ziggy and then left, looking back at us a little suspiciously. “That’s bull.”

Ziggy put his hands on the table, palm down, fingers spread. “I’m sorry. I… you’re right. I should’ve just ditched you and gone back there by myself later. I’m sorry that was ridiculous. But I’m not sorry we talked.”

Truth was, I wasn’t sorry we talked either. “It just feels a helluva lot like you just gathered up a whole hunk of my chain and yanked it really hard,” I said.

He pressed his palms against his forehead. “I know. Which is why I’m apologizing. I didn’t mean it like that. But seriously, would it have been better for me to sneak around? Sneak away and then do it on the sly? Would that really be better?”

I took a swig of the bourbon and let it burn on the way down before I answered. “I don’t know. Maybe. I…” My cheeks were hot not from the drink but from thinking about him wrapping his hand around mine. I chewed vengefully on a cherry. “You crossed a line, Zig.”

“Fuck.” He scrubbed his hair with his fingers then looked at me from between them. “Do you feel violated?”

“No.” Violated was way too strong a word. “But you crossed a line.”

“Okay. I get that. I’m sorry, I just… Yeah. I’m sorry.” He finally picked up his drink and sipped at it. “Good to know it now. You know this won’t be the only time we’ll need to take care of something like that.”

“Like what?”

He gave me a look. “Unless you’ve changed a lot, you’re going to come off stage at least half the time in a… state.”

I sighed. “And your point is?”

“The point is I’m going to have a much easier time finding… relief than you will. Be realistic, you’re going to need it sometimes, and unless you’re going to be hiring a rentboy at each stop–which I can’t picture you doing–you’re going to be kind of stuck with your own hand. Have you made any kind of a plan for this?”

“Maybe I’ll give groupies a try.” I tried to say it as convincingly as possible, but it only came out even more sarcastic-sounding. I nearly said: what, my own hand isn’t good enough? Except for what had just happened.

“Actually,” Ziggy said, so slowly it was like four separate words, “you know who would almost certainly give you a great handjob?”

“Who?” No, I couldn’t believe we were having this conversation, either.

“Colin. He pretty much worships the ground you walk on, he’s totally bi-curious if not actually bi, and a hand job wouldn’t be too challenging for either of you, don’t you think?”

I shook my head, trying to imagine having this conversation with Colin. Yeah, I have this extra string that needs to be tuned. Ugh.

“Come on. He’s your sherpa. He would totally go for it. I’m telling you. I thought that was half the reason you brought him.”

“Say a word to him about it and I swear I’ll scrape your fucking eyeliner off with a grapefruit spoon.”

He pursed his lips. “No need to get violent. Point taken, jeez.”

“I’ll take care of my own problem,” I said, making a motion with my hand like I was cutting off a section of the orchestra. “End of discussion.”

Then we both dissolved into sniggers. Because, come on, that’s how ridiculous it all was. Neither of us could really take ourselves seriously.

Actually, which was more ridiculous, talking about getting me off like we were talking about getting a dog sitter, or the fact that after that we had a totally normal conversation about all kinds of other stuff?



(Quick note about this song. It’s a cover, the original is by Stevie Wonder, but I couldn’t find a video of his version. Interestingly enough, Eric Clapton did it recently. The annoying thing about this video is they don’t actually show you pretty much anyone playing their instruments, which means it’s almost certainly lip synched, in which case, it’s like what is the point of actually having Eric Clapton play himself? Remo likes him anyway.)

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Comments 5

  1. M.C.A. Hogarth wrote:

    I still think Daron’s the one super-overreacting here. -_-

    [Reply]

    ctan Reply:

    If Daron overreacts to the way Ziggy yanks his chain (and make no mistake, that’s exactly what Ziggy does…), it’s because he’s reacting to a lifetime of Digger yanking his chain.

    [Reply]

    Bill Heath Reply:

    And, like so many abuse victims, he winds up in an abusive relationship. That’s what it was until NOLA when Daron withdrew his permission for Ziggy to manipulate him through sex.

    This was more of the same withdrawing permission, with a twist. Daron is acknowledging that Ziggy can still manipulate him through sex, he just doesn’t have Daron’s permission to do so. Which is a healthy step in the right direction.

    [Reply]

    ctan Reply:

    Now to see if it’s two steps forward one step back, or one step forward, two steps back… ;-)

    [Reply]

    Posted 03 Apr 2012 at 10:05 am
  2. Yvonne wrote:

    I would still like to see Daron and Ziggy get back together.

    [Reply]

    ctan Reply:

    Or actually get together, since neither of them seems to feel what they had before was an actual relationship…

    [Reply]

    Posted 03 Apr 2012 at 2:25 pm
  3. cayra wrote:

    Yeah, wincing and snickering right along. Adorable dorks.

    But owww, grapefruit spoon. I need to remember that threat.

    [Reply]

    ctan Reply:

    *snicker* I don’t know where he came up with the bit about the grapefruit spoon. it just… came out that way. :-)

    [Reply]

    Posted 04 Apr 2012 at 11:04 am
  4. Jaime wrote:

    I commented the other day when I read a post that you wouldn’t be posting again until November about how I couldn’t wait to read new posts, and then, in my despondance, I read the next posts after that and realized that you had been writing that about Novemeber 2011, and I was so happy to find more posts!

    I can’t wait to see how things are going to develop between Daron and Ziggy. I like Ziggy so much, but it’s frustrating, because I also like J and Daron together.

    J can be such a good thing for him, because he’s clear with what he wants and he makes Daron happy. He’s simple while Ziggy is complicated. I really wish Ziggy would just come clean already with what it is that he truly wants from Daron.

    [Reply]

    ctan Reply:

    “I really wish Ziggy would just come clean already with what it is that he truly wants from Daron.”

    That might help Daron figure out what Daron wants, too. Right now it’s just impossible for Daron to tell, though, when Ziggy’s telling the truth and when he’s making something up to suit the moment. Broken trust takes a long time to rebuild.

    [Reply]

    s Reply:

    How is Ziggy supposed to tell him how he feels when Daron stops him every time he tries?

    It’s not the right time, I know. I’m trying to be patient, but hey! I’m American and we love instant gratification, right? Lol

    [Reply]

    Bill Heath Reply:

    Ziggy’s wants from Daron evolved from sex to control. Right now I think it’s simply acknowledgement of his existence. And I think that’s really healthy.

    [Reply]

    daron Reply:

    Oh, I think he always wanted control, and at first sex was just a way to get it.

    [Reply]

    Posted 04 Apr 2012 at 6:49 pm
  5. deb h wrote:

    loved it ,I am gald that those two talked before it became a mess again ,I don’t want a repeat of the end of the last tour when it got all weird .

    [Reply]

    ctan Reply:

    Ziggy’s trying sooooo hard to keep things on an even keel, but sometimes he just can’t help himself.

    [Reply]

    Posted 04 Apr 2012 at 6:59 pm

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