No One Can

I woke up in the morning with Ziggy attached to me like a starfish.

“When was the last time you got off?” he asked.

The ceiling was a different color of white from the walls. Had I never noticed that before? “Um. A while ago…?”

He proceeded to make love to me with lazy morning languor, despite the fact Tony was due to pick us up shortly. “If we’re late, we’ll blame traffic,” Ziggy said when he realized I was trying to see the clock radio.

Okay, fine. I didn’t manage to forget about everything we had hanging over us, but sex was nice anyway. When he was satisfied that I was satisfied, and his sweat was drying on my skin, I said, “Sorry about kicking you out last night.”

“Are you?” He licked behind my ear.

“Sorry? Yeah. But I would’ve kicked out anyone, really.”

“Anyone?”

“Anyone.”

“Even a pet journalist or significant other?” he asked.

His voice was mild but I knew better than to take that for granted. I turned his face with my callused fingertips so I could see his eyes. “Maybe especially a pet journalist or a significant other or anyone else I didn’t want to see me struggle.”

He got a stricken look on his face and for half a moment I thought I’d been too candid, that the truth hurt him more than me being cruel and kicking him out for spite. Then I realized he was just upset in sympathy for me. “Oh, God. Dare I ask how it went?”

“Rough, but I’m optimistic I can get it in shape if I can just carve out a little time tonight and tomorrow,” I said. He clearly didn’t remember the brief conversation we’d had while he was mostly asleep last night. “We’re going to do it with samplers, loops, and foot pedals.”

“Now I’m curious.”

“You’ll hear what we come up with soon enough,” I said. Opening night was looming, after all. “But I’m not letting you hear it until there’s something worth hearing.”

Now the hurt look was personal. “Why?”

Despite being completely sure I knew how I felt about it, I didn’t have a good explanation of it. “Why do you want to hear me struggle?”

“I want to support you and root for you to win.” He rolled so that he was curved toward me with the coverlet wrapped around him like a tortilla around burrito filling. “Is that so bad?”

“I…” Did not know what to say to that.

“I love watching you figuring things out,” he added.

“You can support me best by giving me the time and space to figure it out without any audience,” I said.

He pouted a little but kissed me with his pouty full bottom lip. “That’s what Barret said, too. That it was my idea to have you as opener and if I didn’t want to regret that decision I should give you some space.”

“So what’s the problem?”

“I don’t deal well with being excluded, I guess.”

Him being open and truthful should not have provoked an angry response from me, but I couldn’t help but be a little sharp. “Jeezus, Ziggy, it’s just two more days!”

“I guess I’ll have to deal with it, then,” he said, gave me one last cursory kiss, and then rolled off the bed and into the shower.

I had a feeling I was going to need to triangulate with Barrett a lot if he was going to be like this.


(Happy Passover to all who celebrate it! Happy Tuesday to everyone else, of course. This band is better than this song. Ugh, 1991. -d)

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Comments 3

  1. G wrote:

    Triangulate away, Daron. Ziggy loves you and wants to support you. I am glad you were honest about why you don’t want him around, but try not to be snappish, remember his reason for wanting to be there.

    We are all rooting for you to win.

    [Reply]

    daron Reply:

    It comes down to I never know whether to take his stated reasons at face value or not. And even if I do, it’s still about him, not me — *he* likes to watch me figure things out, he wants to root for me because it’s what *he* likes, and what he doesn’t like is being excluded. What I want/need/like is apparently secondary, but then again that’s par for the course with Ziggy and I know that.

    [Reply]

    s Reply:

    Bullshit. He showed true concern for you when he realized you were struggling and that’s why you didn’t want him there. You asked him why he wanted to be there and he told you. This is all about your insecurities because playing guitar is the one thing you’ve NEVER struggled with and bow you are. You’re taking it out on him and he acted like an adult and walked away from the fight that was brewing. We love you, D, but as I said below, you’re acting like dick.

    [Reply]

    Posted 11 Apr 2017 at 12:42 pm
  2. marktreble wrote:

    Ziggy,

    “I don’t deal well with being excluded, I guess.”

    Congrats. Honest and open.

    And a bit ironic, but far better late than never.

    I take back eleven of the bad things I’ve said about you.

    [Reply]

    Posted 11 Apr 2017 at 6:55 pm
  3. s wrote:

    That last line made me say, “Gee, Daron, stop being a dick.”

    He asked how you felt and you told him. You asked how he felt, he told you, you bit his head off, he kissed you and walked away instead of picking a fight. Yep, you’re the one being “like this.”

    [Reply]

    G Reply:

    Same, s.

    [Reply]

    s Reply:

    I suppose in the interest of fairness I should say I understand Daron’s being defensive and that is worsened by the fact that he hurt Ziggy, so now he’s projecting and deflecting. But still, he’s being a jerk and I’m calling him out on it. ;)

    [Reply]

    daron Reply:

    I’ll stop being a dick when he stops pushing my boundaries.

    [Reply]

    Posted 11 Apr 2017 at 7:00 pm

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