201. Point of Know Return

Some time later, after everyone else was asleep but before dawn, I found myself sitting on the windowsill, tired, very tired, but not ready to lie down yet, rubbing my left thumb in my right hand and thinking. Bart was asleep on his edge of the bed and I wasn’t quite ready to get under the covers yet myself.

In less than a week we’d be home. Remo had told me over ginger ale about another movie he’d been hired to score; he wanted me to come out and play on it. And then the summer tour, and then probably Europe after that, and Asia. It would be a year before we went into the studio again. If we went into the studio again.

It could be over in a year. That thought was weirdly comforting.

Equally comforting was the thought that we could keep changing, that in a year’s time we might be ready, all four of us, to go in some new direction. There was no predicting it. I was looking forward to arriving at that moment, at being in the moment, and doing it, whatever it was.

My next fight with Ziggy, could be tomorrow, could be next week, I was sure something would come up and I was eager to meet it head on.

I’d told him it was over. I had a vague sense of loss now thinking about it, remembering that time of getting to know what he liked, and having someone who knew me as well. But I suppose everyone wishes for the perfect match.

He’d asked for a second chance. I had to decide whether to give it to him.

I wondered if Digger was lonely, or if Remo was.

I did not feel lonely at that moment, staring out over a dark city where sex workers and club dancers and cab drivers were on their way home. I had the slight urge to take out the Takamine and play, but that would wake Bart and aggravate the thumb. I felt alone and that felt strangely good, a feeling I could not come up with words for, a feeling like the moment when the soloist takes off from the orchestra, into the bars the composer left blank, a feeling that could not be expressed with the written score and could only be stated with a fingerprint personal sequence of notes, flying from fingers moment by moment, each one truer than the last.


(Thus ends this arc of Daron’s story! From closeted college student struggling to pay his rent, to one foot firmly out the closet door and a slot in MTV’s heavy rotation. It was a crucial three years in his life. We’ll pick up the story with new posts after a story from Remo’s point of view, some art, and such. Then will come all-new material and all-new story arc. Thank you all for reading and for your support! Keep clicking through to catch up to the next new chapter!)


  • Great wrap-up here. I can see what you mean about it being a story that doesn’t fit the novel format well though. I definitely think ‘wait, that’s it?’ 🙂

    • daron says:

      because of course, there is another good ten interesting years to cover, before my life starts to get boring… 😉

    • ctan says:

      Exactly. When you look at how far he’s come and how much change has taken place, it’s a lot. But it has to happen to gradually, it doesn’t feel like your usual “inciting incident — falling action” sort of plot at all. The arc isn’t really tied to the plot, it’s to the character’s inner journey. It ends here because he’s finally clawed his way to a measure of self-acceptance that was missing at the start.

  • Andrea says:

    I love this story. When will you start posting new stuff? Even though that ended well, I miss Daron updates…

    • ctan says:

      There will be a few short stories and bonuses this summer, and then I think around September 1st the next arc will start!

  • Sara Winters says:

    Ah. So we can we expect another ebook? It helps to mention that to people when I pimp this story around the interwebs.

    Looking forward to what comes next.

    • ctan says:

      Yes! There will be another ebook, probably in a few weeks. I need to finish the layout and get it proofed. I think there will be 3? volumes total, or possibly 4, depending how the story splits up most neatly.

  • Revolutionarybum says:

    I just finished Ch_149 “Hooked on Classics” and logged in because I missed the link to pdf. of the SPIN article. I can barley deal with the thought of the end looming just ahead =( This has been an emotional journey reading your chronicles, mostly because of the similarities to my own experiences. But it’s also been thrilling to be able to read something so real and honest ! I’ll admit it I’m a fan !!! Head over heels in love with this series and the all the people within. Have you thought about making up a t-shirt ? The cover of Volume one would be great ! That’s about all I had to say, hope you are well =)

  • Marleen says:

    Finished this this morning. Got Volume 1 for free on Amazon, bought Volume 2 while on the road and read Volume 3 to be online. I have been thinking about it all day. You need to keep going because I am not happy yet! Happyish – yes. Happy – no.

    Wrote a review on Goodreads (explaining why I am not happy), which you can find here:

    I’ll go write you a glowing one on Amazon!

    • ctan says:

      Hi Marleen! I’m so glad you’re reading. No, Zig and Daron are not “there” yet, but they’re progressing. Daron really needs to learn to love himself before he can love anyone else. And Ziggy, well, maybe Zig needs to learn to love himself a little less. Fortunately, they learn from each other, but it’s a slow process.

  • I read DGC every night before bed! I LOVE your work and am excited for the new stuff. Thank you for this!

  • Eliza says:

    hey I love this story but I know it’s not over yet if it was i’d be pretty upset when do you expect the new stuff to be out? what should i be looking for volume four?

    • ctan says:

      Definitely not over yet! I plan to start posting new chapters in the next 4-6 weeks. Volume Four will probably run 80-100 posts, so that’ll takesome time to accrue depending on how quickly the posting schedule runs. I plan to keep it going as it was before, two posts a week, but a third if donations reach $25 in a given week.

  • s says:

    You are a wonderful writer. Been through the emotional range on this one and am completely emotionally invested in these characters. I’m kinda glad I found it late because I have so much more to read before I get caught up! This seems like the kind of story that could go on for a long time. I truly hope it does.

    • ctan says:

      <3 <3 <3 Me and the boys just logged in for the first time all weekend to find we’ve got lots of lovely comments to catch up on! I’m so so so glad you’re enjoying it. It’s a long ride, and you’re right, it’s not over yet. 🙂 I’ve always said there will be an ending, and we’ll all know it when we get there. But we’re not there yet! Not even close.

  • Bill Heath says:

    This is the best “coming of age” story I have ever read, and I’ve read a couple thousand. Almost all good fiction is driven by transformation. Watching Daron’s growth and evolution has been exhilarating.

    You’ve done a superb job of planting seeds for others’ transformation as well. Ziggy must grow and evolve. You’ve provided enough triggers for that to manufacture an army of rifles. Triggers don’t transform except in schlock. You don’t write schlock. Dealing with triggers and the billions of ther influences that comprise the complex system known as “life” transforms.

    Carynne is the other one for whom you’ve planted seeds of transformation. Her growth and evolution, as well as Ziggy’s, willl be part of Daron’s growth and evolution assuming they both remain in the chronicles (I cannot imagine that they won’t).

    In fact, in my understanding, the only two who are not candidates for transformation are Digger and Bart. For very different reasons.

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