313. Dizzy

It was really hard to stay focused on the set list. After Pensacola, this crowd felt more like a hundred times the size, not ten–or seven or whatever the actual math was. I had been worried about how Miracle Mile was going to be received what with them being a late addition to the bill and all, but thanks to the drugs I didn’t actually pay attention and don’t actually remember anything about how their set went.

I do remember hitting the stage and running smack dab into the wall of sound from the crowd. Okay, maybe the drugs had something to do with it seeming like there were a million people there, but it was twenty-thousand plus, our biggest venue yet. And they were all screaming in a frenzy.

Now that I think about it, the fact that the news clip of the explosion had been played a million times probably had something to do with that. Maybe just seeing us alive and well was scream-worthy. It was enough to make Jonathan, who is such a level-headed guy, lose his head, so … yeah.

So an audience is sometimes like a giant animal, when they’re all together like that. I felt connected to that animal, that organism, and I kept doing things to make them scream, like start playing the riffs to things they’d recognize. I don’t mean our own songs, which of course were the biggest thrill of all, but other stuff: I can’t even remember what. Zeppelin. Metallica. Stuff. Just fills between songs except that made it hard to move on to the next song. Colin re-wrote my set list in larger letters as if that was the problem and at one point darted out and taped it right on my wedge monitor. Maybe he thought with only one eye I couldn’t see them unless he made the letters twice as big.

I used the volume of the cheers and the wideness of the grin on Ziggy’s face as my gauges of whether things were going well. I know from my point of view everything was fantastic. Whatever the hell that pill was it made me feel ten feet tall and like I could do no wrong.

Come to think of it, that’s kind of how I feel during a really good show, anyway. Except I already felt that way before I stepped on the stage. At one point my burned hand got a little tired and I played a whole song using a beer bottle as a slide and it was amazingly good.

No, really. Afterward, by which I mean after they dragged me (and Ziggy, who was right there with me) off the stage after a second encore, in the green room I solicited the opinions of the three people I figured I could trust most to tell me if the show had sucked or not: Carynne, Jonathan, and Bart.

All three gave it a thumbs up, each in their own way.

Then I passed out on a couch and when I woke up it was because Carynne was shaking me with a really worried-sounding, “Come on, Daron.”

“I’m awake, what’s wrong?”

“Just checking that you were asleep and not unconscious,” she said. “Come on, babycakes, it’s time to get going.”

“Babycakes? Where did that come from?”

“No idea. Look, we’re not actually rolling until the morning, so you might want to sleep somewhere more comfortable.”

“Um.” I sat up suddenly, remembering Jonathan was there somewhere. Then I blinked with druggy sleepiness. “Um.”

She patted me on the head. “Or there’s here.”

“Here’s good.” I rubbed my eyes and ly back down on the couch I was on. “I wonder what the hangover from this is going to be like, though.”

“I’ll get you some water.”

But I was unconscious again by the time she got back.

I woke around dawn, with a padded moving blanket over me and a bottle of water next to me on the floor. I drank the water and went back to sleep.

The real morning came quickly enough. I don’t know if J. slept at the hotel or if he just sacked out on a bench in the bus or what, but he was there when the entire band and a fair portion of the crew hit Denny’s on the way out of town. Miracle Mile had eaten at the hotel and went ahead of us, with Chris.

Colin told me they adopted Cain, too. “I figure they couldn’t resist a biblical name.” That almost made me snort orange juice out my nose.

The hangover was surprisingly mild, and I was glad for that. I had Moons over My Hammy and a bowl of chili even though it was breakfast. At Denny’s they don’t judge.

I decided now that everyone was sober to ask again if the show had been any good.

“Oh, don’t you start now with the self-doubt and paranoia, too,” Ziggy said, balling up a napkin and throwing it at my head. It bounced off my bandaged eye and he winced in apology.

“I’m not, I just know I wasn’t exactly the best judge of things yesterday.”

Bart yawned. “Well, you already know what I think. I want to grab the audio for posterity off Louis’s videotape even though it’s just from a crap condenser mic. You sure as hell kept us on our toes.”

“Oh shit, I wonder if Christian thinks I was doing it just to torture him.”

Bart shrugged. “He might, but he kept up.”

Jonathan weighed in. “Pretty incredible overall. But you always are when you let yourself go.”

“He’s ri-i-i-ght,” Ziggy sang.

I looked Ziggy in the eye with my one eye. “How many more of those do you have left?”

“Not enough to last until we get home,” he said.

I just need enough to last me until my hand doesn’t hurt, I thought. How long could that be, a week? I flexed it.

Carynne put her hand on my elbow. “I want a check-in from both of you,” she said, to me and Ziggy, “before and after every sound check. I want to know everything about your injuries and what your pain level is like. If we need to get more meds, we will. Don’t play chicken with this guys, seriously.”

I couldn’t tell if she meant don’t do too much or don’t do too little. Maybe she meant both.


  • cayra says:

    Yep, sounds like you were high as a kite.

    • daron says:

      Yeah I had no idea it would feel like that. I always assumed all drugs felt more or less the same, just stronger, like drinking more. But this was nothing like smoking pot OR drinking.

  • sanders says:

    At Denny’s they don’t judge.

    That pretty much sums up my high school and college experience right there.

    I continue to love Carynne. She’s just good people, and I think she would keep Daron and Ziggy from going too far with the painkillers. She has a little more invested in and experience with being blunt with Daron should they become a problem.

    How is Courtney faring in all of this? We haven’t heard about her in a couple of installments, and I imagine she’s still a bit freaked out by the accident. It’s not easy to see a sibling injured, at least not under even semi-normal circumstances.

    • ctan says:

      It was a Denny’s where I convinced them to give me a grilled cheese sandwich and french fries and to put the fries INSIDE the sandwich for me and grill it like that. I’d probably still be eating them that way but shortly after that I discovered I liked it even better with tomato and bacon, dipped in chicken soup.

      Daron will get around to telling us about Court again soon. 🙂

  • Peter Wilcox says:

    So glad that everone is getting along. Where did Jonathan spend the night?

    • daron says:

      I never did find out. And yeah, I was too happy everyone seemed cool with each other to be surprised about it. Even my father’s behaving.

  • Treasure says:

    Daron better not get hook on them drugs. Especially after getting mad at Chris for his drug use. Let performing be the only thing to get you high.

  • deb h says:

    loved it ,daron just needs to make sure he doesn’t go down that wrong path with drugs,that is how it all starts out,taking it for pain then keep taking them later for the feeling.hopefully the rest of thr gang will watch him.

  • JB Starre says:

    I am pretty sure no one would complain if your next bonus story was a threesome between Daron, Ziggy, and Jonathan. Just sayin.

    Also, to echo everyone else: poor Zig! I wish I knew what he was thinking. And I hope Daron doesn’t get addicted, but I feel like he will. I mean really, so far we’ve basically had sex and rock & roll, but no drugs. So… I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.

    • JB Starre says:

      (I know we’ve had drugs vis a vis Chris, but it’s not the same. If that makes sense.)

    • ctan says:

      LOL. If the Colin/Ziggy/Daron threesome didn’t happen even though Daron fantasized about it… he really can’t even imagine or contemplate Jonathan and Ziggy together. (Hence, I can’t either…)

      • Bill Heath says:

        My third read-through and I’m still picking up new stuff.

        I commented earlier that if Ziggy had sex with Colin in front of Daron, even were Daron in a three-way, it would end any possibiity of him winning Daron in the future. And Daron is centuries ahead of Ziggy at being able to defer gratification. I believe he knows that if he had sex with Jonathan in front of Ziggy, even were Ziggy in a three-way, it would end any possibility of him winning Ziggy in the future.

  • Krista says:

    A threesome sounds like a good idea..but not with Jonathon there. Love Darons…fun with the show-watch the drugs though man, too much of that shit’ll fuck you up. I’m really needing a little Daron/Zig alone time and it doesn’t even need to be sexual- sex would be a bonus tho

  • steve says:


    Since this is literally my favorite band ever, I shall now geek out with a little history about this song:
    Kristin Hersh (lead singer/guitarist/songwriter) wrote this song in a deliberate, label-mandated attempt to write a “hit.” Consequently, she hates it, and she’ll mock you if you yell for it in concert. I have to say, though, that I have a soft spot for it. Mostly, I’m sure, because hearing Dizzy on the radio was my introduction to the band. It’s accessible in a way that a lot of their stuff might not have been for me at the time. Plus also, “Make sure the dog remembers me I dream the sand beneath your feet” is a fucking awesome line.

    • daron says:

      Big fan also. Hersh needs to get over her bad self, though. I know labels are full of motherfuckers but it’s not like she didn’t actually write the song and it’s not like the song didn’t take them to the next level. Love her, though. They were slogging through the local scene in Providence back when I was there.

      Huh. Just realized I have a promo copy of the Hunkpapa cassette still in shrinkwrap. Someone in the biz must’ve given it to me and I never got around to opening it. That year (’89) was kind of crazy.

  • Jude says:

    Carynne continues awesome. Where are her cute baby butch groupies? 😉

  • Cesy says:

    I love him for playing snippets of other songs in the concert – it’s so much fun playing recognise-the-song when people do that.

  • - says:

    I await news of an eye infection… because that’s 2 days he’s gone without washing out his eye.

    Unless Daron’s gotten used to the pain and decided not to mention it. Somehow I suspect not.

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