316. Monkey Gone to Heaven

The venue in North Carolina turned out to be another college campus, and Jonathan had to tell me all about the Duke Blue Devils since I didn’t know squat about college sports. It was a basketball arena, seated just shy of ten thousand, but from the outside it was all covered in gray stone and looked like a monastery.

There were already fans there, waiting for us to show up for soundcheck. A group of about twenty. Like usual they were mostly girls with one or two guys floating around. One of the girls was pen pals with one of the girls Courtney knew, the discovery of which fact produced much squealing. I think Carynne delegated fan wrangling to Court, actually, or maybe it just happened that way. Zig and I spent a good twenty minutes taking pictures and signing autographs and answering the question “Are you sure you’re okay?” a few million times. Jonathan wasn’t the only one who watched the video of the explosion a million times. My eye patch was deemed “cute.” Then when the girls heard that Ziggy had decorated it for me, THAT was deemed cute. Jonathan seemed to think the whole fan club thing was cute.

Then Court bossed us inside to take care of business. She was definitely taking lessons from Carynne.

The green room was a converted locker room. There was a kind of rhythmic sound coming from an open door toward the back and at first I was trying to imagine what kind of instrument it could be, and then I realized it was a huge clothes dryer, already in use, going clackety-thump. I honestly hadn’t been keeping track of what all was going on with our show clothes beyond the fact that someone always took the sweaty post-show stuff away. Unlike when we’d toured on our own, doing our own driving and laundry, this was a whole different set-up. Good thing someone, by which I mean Carynne, kept track of all that stuff.

Carynne hit me with the schedule the second I sat down to change my socks. “No extra encores tonight,” she warned. “Not only is there a local zoning thing, it’s an eleven hour drive to Bloomington so we’re rolling overnight. We’re meeting up there with Wednesday’s Child and The Blissmen. It’ll be their first show of their tour so we don’t want to be late. Then it’s another eleven hours to Toronto.”

“Jeez, isn’t that a bit tight, scheduling-wise?” I realized the lace of one of my high-tops was getting frayed.

“There’s a day off in Toronto before the show. Well, not a real day off, there’s press and a getting-to-know-you party with the other two bands, a big Much Music thing.” She sat next to me on the bench and flipped through the day book.

“Much Music?”

“It’s the Canadian version of MTV,” she assured me. “That’s kind of how the whole ‘faces of alternative rock’ thing came together, through them.”

“Both these bands are from England?” We’d put a cassette of The Blissmen into the bus player a few days ago but it hadn’t left much of an impression on me.

“Um, U.K. anyway. They’re both better known in Canada than the States I guess, and BNC are trying to break them to a bigger US audience.”

“Okay. So why Bloomington, Indiana, then?” I kind of drew a map in the air. “If it’s eleven hours over to there and then eleven hours up to Toronto…” Seemed like a really big detour when if we went straight north for eleven hours I was betting we’d be there. “Unless my geography’s off?”

She shrugged. “You’re not wrong. The arena’s big, and it just kind of worked out that way. I agree, not the most efficient route. But sometimes you can’t get what you want.”

“How big?”

“Sixteen thousand. No, wait, eighteen with the general admission on the floor.” She shut the book again. “If only we could play a couple more really big places, this tour might actually make some money.”

“I thought we were making money?”

“We are. But you know, we’re still skimping on some things, the crew’s overworked… If every show wasn’t a sell-out or a near sell-out, I’d be worried.”

“Would you really?” I was thinking back to that day in the kitchen when she showed me all the spreadsheets. “Does it have to be best-case scenario to work out?”

She gave me one of those looks, like she was trying to decide if I could understand what she was about to say. “We’re lucky, Daron. We’re just high enough to reach that upper tier where we make money on tour instead of spending it. And then we make money because the tour generates publicity which sells the record. Some bands knock themselves out on the road and the only profit they end up with comes from the record sales.”

“I know that. Isn’t that why we had the big fight with BNC about who would pay for what?”

“Yeah, pretty much.” She chewed her lip. Her hair looked very dark red in the fluorescent lights. “I hope these new bands aren’t assholes.”

“No kidding.”

“I mean, you’d think… you know some headliners don’t cover half the costs that we do? Some don’t cover catering, require separate equipment riders… and Megashit just didn’t appreciate any of that.”

“They thought they were entitled to it,” I said. “They think they walk on water and their shit’s gold.”

“Yeah.”

“So what’s it mean that we paired with a metal band in the south and now we’ll be with these British pop bands?”

She shook her head. “I don’t know. Nothing maybe. Sounds to me from talking to your dad like BNC is going to keep trying to hammer you into one round hole after another until they find a fit.” She blew out a breath, looking tired. “Okay, check-in time. How much pain are you in?”

I flexed my hand. “I should re-bandage it and then see.”

“Do that. I’ll go look for Zig.” She got up and hurried out.

I followed her into the hall, past Antonio who was watching the door, and down to the next room over, where Miracle Mile was. I was about to saunter into the room when a hand on my chest stopped me. Adam, looking very blond and bad-ass at the door in a shirt with the sleeves torn off. He jerked his head toward the interior of the room.

Aha. Prayer circle. The others were all on their knees and Dave was going on as usual, just not as loudly as he had that night in the parking lot.

“I’ll come back later,” I whispered. “Just wondering if you’d…” I held up my hand.

He held up a stop-sign hand like an Indian chief in a movie, silent and imposing. Okay. I stayed put, while he went and dug something out of his bag. Then he tossed it to me. I caught it against my chest as he shut the door in my face.

In my hands was a roll of the rubbery over-bandage wrap. I suppose it was nice of him to give it to me, considering that everything else I felt from the exchange had been hostile. Maybe it was rude of me to drop by at prayer-time? Except then why not just shut the damn door in the first place?

Between me and Ziggy and Colin we did all the re-bandaging necessary on both of us. Then it was time for soundcheck and the door to the Mile’s dressing room was still closed.

I decided to say something to Carynne about it, which meant Colin and Ziggy both heard me. “They’re having a prayer meeting,” I said. “I got the door slammed in my heathen face.”

Carynne’s expression darkened. “Well, they can kiss my heathen, non-believing time schedule.” She marched off and came back with Christian in tow, as well as Dave and Adam.

We kept the soundcheck short. I wanted to play around with “Moving Parts” but this wasn’t the time, not with me and Ziggy both trying to stay healthy and a quick turnaround until the show tonight.

Carynne didn’t even let us get more than two steps off the stage. “Well?”

I shared a look with Ziggy.

“Let’s split another one,” he said.

“Okay.”

He and Carynne moved toward the dressing room while I handed my guitar to Colin. Dave and Adam were coming onstage then and Dave came right up to me and said, “I have some words of advice for you. Regarding Chris. Since we won’t see you after tonight.”

“Okay, cool,” I said.

“It’ll have to wait until after this, though,” he said, indicating the stage.

“No problem.”

“I’d appreciate it if you were in a clear state of mind to hear it,” he added.

Ah. “I’ll wait until after we’ve talked to take the pain medication, Dave,” I said.

“I appreciate that,” he said, with a little nod of his head, and then he went up on the stage.

I admit, I was a little creeped out by how formal he was being. I didn’t really know what to think of it, though. I went and got my eyeliner on, and got my half a pill but just put it in a paper cup and walked around with it.

I went back and heard the end of MM’s soundcheck and stood in the wings waiting for Dave. I was a little surprised then that in the end it was him and Christian and Adam who all came to talk to me.

The tech crew was running pre-recorded music through the sound system, Peter Gabriel’s “Passion” album, which had just come out. Too ironic when you consider what they said to me.

“Daron,” Dave said, and put his hand on my shoulder in this really deliberate way, like he was proving something by it. “I know this is going to be difficult to hear, but we all do things that are self-defeating.”

I really thought he was going to tell me not to take the painkiller. I really did.

“Your sinful ways are what have caused the rift between you and your brother,” Dave said.

I’m stupid, or at least I hoped I was. “What sinful ways?”

His expression was total condescension. “The Bible clearly states it’s a sin for a man to love a man. It’s no wonder Christian turned to drugs to blind himself to the evil and filth around him.”

I think my mouth just fell open at that point and I stared at him with my eyes round like a doll. Because I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I wanted to say, “Are you fucking kidding me?” but I was too stunned to get the words out.

“I know you’re scared. I know you’re lost. I know you feel weak,” he said. “But we can help. You just have to accept the Lord Jesus Christ as your savior. Christ forgives all sins. His love is boundless, and will fill every empty heart.”

Holy fucking shit what a line, I thought. What a fucking line. I shrugged out from under his hand, a nauseous feeling rising. “You really believe that?” is what came out.

“I know it,” he said, completely earnest. “Please let me help you. Let us help you.”

Finally. “Are you fucking kidding me?” I backed up a step. They were all much bigger than me. Dave seemed all mild-mannered benevolence, but Adam looked positively pissed off.

Chris, on the other hand, looked like he wished he was anywhere else. He wouldn’t meet my eyes.

Dave tried again. “Daron, brother…”

“I’m not your fucking brother!”

“Homosexuality is unnatural and sin against nature as well as God’s law!” Dave shouted back, his patience wearing thin.

This entire conversation having taken me by surprise I didn’t have any snappy comebacks. So I settled for, “No, it isn’t!”

“Isn’t it?” he pressed.

“Fuck! You’re fucking crazy.” I’d had enough, and I moved past him toward the hallway to the dressing rooms, almost daring him to lay a hand on me.

He didn’t. I resisted the urge to run. I went straight into our dressing room, blowing straight past Antonio, who said “Whoa, whoa, something wrong?”

“Holy fucking shit,” I said, turning in place. I couldn’t figure out whether to sit down or stand up. I wanted to kick something. “You got a problem with me, Tony?”

“No, sir, boss man, no problem a’tall,” he said in that New York street-smooth voice.

“No, I mean, with me, being… me.” I’m such a fucking coward I still couldn’t say it.

“If you mean of the ho-mo-sexual persuasion, then no.” He stood with one foot in the hallway and one foot in the dressing room, occasionally glancing down the hall. “My big brother’s gay and he can still whoop my ass. My only problem is if you’ve got a problem and it’s something I need to do something about and you’re not telling me what it is.”

I finally decided to sit. I plopped down on a folding chair. “That motherfucking righteous preacher shit who calls himself a singer just told me I’m a sin against God’s law.”

He snorted. “You gotta be fucking kidding me.”

“Not kidding. I can’t fucking believe it.” I stood up again and started to pace. “I want to… spit. I want to smack somebody.”

“Well, somebody needs smacking,” he said, “but I wouldn’t recommend it. And as your bodyguard I would definitely recommend against all violent acts.”

That stopped me in my tracks. “Are you really a bodyguard?”

He gave me one of those one-eyebrow looks that said I was being dumb.

“I thought you were hired to protect the… stuff.” Equipment. Lights. The vandalized bus.

“You are the stuff,” he said. “Here comes boss lady.” He stepped out of the doorway so she could come in without having to squeeze past him.

She looked back and forth between us. “Something going on?”

“How does everyone know something’s up?” I asked.

“Well, you look upset,” she said, without explaining further. “Did you take the pill?”

I held up the cup. “About to. But I have to fill you in on something.”

“Yeah?”

I sat back down. “Dave just told me I’m a sinner and it’s my… my evil and filth that made Christian turn to drugs.”

“What!” She hit a high note that made my ears ring.

“Does the Bible really say homosexuality is a sin?”

“I don’t fucking think so!” She turned to Antonio. “Tony, does it?”

“I don’t rightly know, ma’am. In my momma’s church they never brought it up.”

She turned back to me. “Wait, who the fuck cares what it says in the Bible. It also says no sex before marriage and last year the Pope said condoms are a tool of the devil, so go figure.” She let out one of those frustrated barks. “The nerve!”

“Yeah, well.”

“And this is the line of shit he’s feeding Chris?”

“I guess so…”

“Oh, that is just too fucking precious. Oh for fuck’s sake.” She crossed her arms. “Well, thank god in four hours they are out of here.” She blew a lock of hair off her forehead. “Unless you’re so pissed you want to throw them off the bill.”

That hadn’t even occurred to me. “No. That’s not necessary. Tell them to play and then get the fuck out.”

She went to give them a piece of her mind. I went to find a bottle of water so I could take the pill. I dug one out of the cooler in the corner and took it, then went and checked my eye patch and makeup in the mirror. Checked my clothes: I was stage-ready.

I wondering if the pill was going to make me feel on top of the world again tonight, or if it was going to help me not care that some people I’d considered friends thought I was evil filth.

No, I’m not, I thought. I’m just… fucking not. Because if I am, I should just kill myself right now.

Not an option. A laughable idea, really. Though in the back of my head I realized it might not have been so laughable to me a few years ago. When you’re so desperate you pay your band’s take for the night to a hustler, okay, that maybe I could see falling into the “sin” category. It was wrong. Getting sucked off through a hole in a men’s room wall, well, if it wasn’t hurting anyone, then maybe it was only a little bit wrong, but still more wrong than right. Sneaking away to get laid? Kinda wrong. But not like Chris made it out to be, right? What made it right? I didn’t believe in the Bible or marriage or any of that. So, when was sex right?

Jonathan found me sitting in a chair with my hands in my hair, hunched over, sort of rocking back and forth in the underwater haze that the drug turned the world into.

I looked up at him. “Do you love me?” I asked him.

His smile was warm like a heat lamp coming on. He cupped my cheek. “You know I do.”

“Good. That makes it right,” I said, and pulled him down into a kiss.

He kissed back, then patted me on the shoulder as he stood up. “Break a leg,” he said, still beaming.

“Is it that time already?”

“It is.” He took a step back as Colin held out a hand.

“Come on, boss. Let’s go.”

“I’m not that drugged.”

“Like hell you’re not. Your eyes are so dilated you might want sunglasses while you’re on stage,” Colin said, taking my hand and pulling me to my feet.

“Oh, that explains why the lights seemed so… Last night, they were…”

“Uh huh,” Colin said with a chuckle. “You’re such a lightweight.”

“That’s good. That means I’m a cheap date. Right?”

He handed me the guitar in the wings. The cheering was intense, extremely loud indoors, and I remembered to put my earplugs in.

It felt so good to have a guitar in my hands.

(Quick site news! The audiobooks of Daron’s Guitar Chronicles 1, 2, and 3 are now on sale on Audible.com! You can find all three on the DGC series page at Audible.com. Meanwhile, I talked to the T-shirt guys today and Kickstarter T-shirts and tote bags are being delivered on October 26. With any luck the book will be in hand by then, too! More news on that as soon as I have it!)

45 Comments

  • Jude says:

    When Monkey went to heaven in Journey to the West, he was lied to by the Jade Emperor and got a crappy job as Heaven’s horse groom. And when he found out, he completely trashed heaven and kicked the asses of all the greatest warriors.

    He also stole all the peaches from the Empress’s garden and made himself immortal and invulnerable with stolen medicines.

    Monkey is badass, and totally the kind of guy to identify with, D.

  • Andrea says:

    I think its a bigger sin to lie to yourself and not to love anyone (not that i think its a sin in the first place) I am so sorry you had to deal with that. It truly makes me angry when people who are supposedly ‘good people’ decided that intolerance and blame is better than loving everyone and accepting of differences whether or not you agree with them.

    • daron says:

      Thank goodness Courtney’s so strong. She’s apparently had to listen to that kind of crap for years. I managed to get a lot further in life before anyone threw it in my face. Unbelievable.

  • Treasure says:

    I didn’t know they had Much Music back then. What year is it in Daron’s world now?

    Why did Daron ask Johnathan if he loves him? Don’t tell me Daron loves him cause I don’t think Johnathan is in love with him. He does have love for him but I don’t think he’s in love with him.

    I don’t understand why Daron just can’t say out loud that he’s gay when he talks about it when everyone even people he hasn’t told knows, like Tony. He never told him but he knows so why not say it or loud. I feel that what Miracle Mile said was wrong but you being ashamed of it is kinda like you agree with them that its wrong. I don’t think being gay is wrong but I always felt your sneaking around & the way you seemed like you needed sex so bad that you pay strangers & shit was wrong. I never understood you when it came to that you where really desperate for it. I’m glad you stop the madness like boning people in parks. Your way better than that your not an evil heathen but before you carried you’re self like you had no self esteem. I still don’t think your fully gonna be happy until you’re willing to say or loud that your gay & stop think what anyone says matters.

    • ctan says:

      Much Music started back when I was still in high school, pre-1985. At this point in the story it’s July 1989.

      Daron, under the influence of strong drugs, has come to the rather fuzzy conclusion that sex is OK if it’s love. And he’d never ever ask Jonathan something like that if he wasn’t drugged out of his mind.

      (P.S. I deleted your duplicate comment — looked like you got cut off while writing it and re-posted it?

    • sanders says:

      I think you have to remember this is a really, really different time frame and social context than we have now. In 1989, homophobia was hugely rampant and much more blatantly accepted and encouraged, and reflected in popular music. There were no/next to no musicians, actors, entertainers who were out of the closet who weren’t sort of high camp in the US or present in ways Daron would have been able to access. The fear of AIDS was a major factor among gay men (and wider society), and a major reason they were targeted for bashing and discrimination; religious bigotry was present but not in the mass hysteria way it is now. Back then, people were actively, publicly advocating for things like shipping all the gays off to be executed to stop the spread of disease (actually, some still are, but the majority of sensible people now recognize that idea as completely wrong-headed). There were virtually no anti-discrimination laws covering sexual orientation, and no hate crimes laws at all. There was no GLBT aspect to mainstream culture; we were very much on the fringes of society and of what was considered acceptable. This is still three years before kd lang publicly came out, and four before Melissa Etheridge, eight before Ellen Degeneres forced the issue of visibility on mainstream, network television. GSA’s in high schools were unheard of and sodomy was still illegal in a number of US states.

      All of that is to say Daron’s shame, and his process of working through it, along with his reluctance to state he’s gay, it fits the context of his time. His actions seem kind of pathetic in retrospect, but we have the benefit of time and a changed and changing society from which to judge them. What he was doing and how he felt about himself, those weren’t uncommon in the moment.

      • T L Thurston says:

        Not all that much has changed in much of America

        • sanders says:

          I can see a few big shifts, looking backward. Writing this comment was interesting because it meant thinking about to what I knew about sexuality and attitudes around it in the 80s and as I was growing up, and comparing that to what I see now. We have more LGBT ‘role models’, which I call a step forward, and more general awareness and solid information about HIV and AIDS. On the other hand, we also have a more visible—if not more vocal—religious right. We’re coming off of a phase of political correctness where people were more inclined to fake tolerance and swinging back to one where bigotry is on full display. There’s a whole generation caught in the middle of that who are genuinely surprised by how hateful people can be, bracketed by a younger generation who will grow up assuming it was always this way, and older generations who know the dance of one step forward, two steps back.

          • daron says:

            This comment was originally left 2.5 years ago and I’m just reading it again now in the wake of Indiana passing a law that makes it OK for businesses to put up signs that say NO GAYS for the sake of “religious freedom.”

            I’d say it was unbelievable, but sadly, it’s all too believable. I do think times are changing, they’re getting better, but the ones who aren’t changing, who want to dial it back to 1950, who want gays in the closet and lynchings to make a comeback, they are fighting HARD right now to cling to power. I have to believe the next generation will sweep them away. I have to. I can’t go on if I don’t believe it’ll keep improving.

            • sanders says:

              You know that’s where I’m living (and originally from), right? So this legislation is… it’s hard to see happening, and I am having a lot of mixed reactions. The Girlfriend got an earful last night because I’m livid over corporations having fits now when they weren’t willing to step up and support INCLUSIVE legislation to prohibit discrimination against LGBT people as recently as this current legislative session. We could have avoided a lot of this mess if they’d ever spoken up in the last 20 years that people here have been trying to get legislation in cities and statewide to cover LGBT people under non-dis policies in housing, employment, and public accommodations.

              I have to think we’ll keep moving forward. I can go on if this is as good as it gets, but I can’t leave this particular standard of the world for my niece and nephew and the score of younger cousins. I don’t want them to have to fight so hard just to be who they are.

              What’s terrifying is it also means businesses can say NO WOMEN, BLACKS, JEWS, MUSLIMS, too.

              Is it terrible that I keep remembering I’m technically still a small business owner in Indiana and want to make business cards saying “NO STRAIGHT PEOPLE; NO POLITICIANS”?

              • daron says:

                Jeez I forgot you’re in Indiana. You’d think after all the times I crisscrossed this country I’d have some grasp of geography but it’s muddled at best. (I still have Indiana and Illinois mixed up on the map in my head.)

                This is the thing that freaks me the worst, maybe, that they can stir up fear of “The Gays” as a way to oppress fucking EVERYBODY and then everyone else blames us too. Homophobia gets under the skin–even people who think they’re liberal-minded can fail to realize it. And how many young queers are right now beating themselves up the way I used to beat myself up with self-hate? Second class citizenship gets ingrained…

                God, made myself nauseous thinking about it. And how’s this for a weird moment. As I’m typing this comment iTunes is on shuffle and up came the section of the Adam Lambert live album, which was recorded in Indianapolis, where he shouts “What up, Indiana?!”

                I’m clinging to that mantra though: it gets better. Remember how freaking awful it was when these anti-marriage laws were being voted in? And now they’re being shredded, one after the other. I have to believe this is going to go that way, too. For fuck’s sake, did you see that “Big Gay” tweet from some politician? If we do have a Queer Industrial Complex ie lobbying power and coalitions built on the marriage movement now’s the time to flex that muscle on this new cause. Right? Right?

                Remember the first time Obama used the word “gay” in a speech? I think it was in an address to the DNC…can’t even remember exactly which one. It’s hard to remember what it was like when we weren’t even a speakable word so we weren’t even in the political conversation. Being this heavily fought against sucks, but in a weird way…it’s progress??

                Sending you lotsa love tonight.

  • sanders says:

    Please tell me Christian isn’t really buying this crap from Dave? I really don’t want to have to hate him with a fiery passion; I’m happy mildly disliking him but understanding why he’s being jerk at the moment.

  • steve says:

    Another amazing choice of title–tell me you did not combine the addiction and Christianity storylines just so you could use this song!

    • ctan says:

      LOL! No, it just worked out this way! This song wasn’t even in my list of songs I’ve been meaning to use. It just popped up when I went to format the post and needed to pick a title!

  • Lenalena says:

    Is this the end of Chris as a band member then?

    (and, yay, more pixies!)

  • Peter Wilcox says:

    Daron’s confrontation is nothing but history repeating itself, over and over. I worked for the telephone company, in San Jose, Calif., all during the 80’s. Our supervisors would come see what new ear rings we were wearing to work.
    Everyone was gay, and out! Funny how memories are so different.

  • deb h says:

    loved it ,it so sad that that sinner crap had to come from a friend,its always hard to take but its worse coming from someone you were friends with .I hope that Chris really does not feel like that,it might be hard for him to remain in the band with two “sinners” in the band.I am glad daron had that moment with jonathan ,it needed to be said even if daron was a bit high.

  • Cris says:

    (I should so comment more, I keep meaning to on every chapter and I always forget about it. Still reading though!)

    I’m actually surprised it took them this long to pull the “you’re evil and everything is your fault” card, Daron, not gonna lie. Pretty typical of those types.

    That being said, yeah, I definitely noticed that Chris didn’t want any part of it. Obviously your being gay has nothing to do with his drug problem, but… I really have to wonder exactly how much the gay thing DOES bother him. He keeps saying it doesn’t bother him, but actions speak louder than words. Clearly he has issues to work out on that score. I don’t know, maybe he’s worried people will think he’s gay by association, or he’s a little freaked that all of a sudden EVERYONE IS GAY.

    Also, D, you are SO going to be kicking yourself for that love conversation later.

    • daron says:

      I usually end up kicking myself whenever I let my inhibitions down, yeah.

      I count myself lucky I never encountered these fire & brimstone types before this. It’s so weird because it doesn’t feel hostile like it did with Megaton. The vibe isn’t hostile… it’s just… WRONG. Like they’re going to “cure” me with Jesusy love.

      As for what Chris thinks… I’m not allowed to give away spoilers. But I really want to know, myself.

  • amanda says:

    At least Miracle Mile just SAID it. It’s hurtful, but better than having to repaint a bus. Dunno about you, but I’d rather know what people think about me rather than having to constantly wonder. And Tony is rad 🙂

  • cayra says:

    Oh shiii- makes me want to rage at someone.

  • Ambre says:

    But you dont even believe in their god! Don’t sweat what a bunch of homophobes wrote 2500 years ago to keep people in line, just focus on finding your own spiritual center. I remember the 80s, and Queen fans would kick your ass for saying Freddy was gay (he was still insisting he wasn’t back then, wonder why?). Thank gods I am raising my children in an at least somewhat friendlier time.

    The bible says lots of things are evil, btw. Witches, women on the rag, masturbation… well, I am not sure of the relative evilness of all of those things, but people who take that book too literally see a lot of evil in the world. What a sad way to live! (I am a new reader, got the first book from amazon a couple of days ago then the.second book, then did a marathon read of the rest on the web! Awesome stuff! Love the discussions too!)

  • Michelle says:

    Just for the record, I am a strong Christian and also gay, and I would like to point out that not all “born again” Christians are homophobic douche bags. A lot of Christians who believe being gay is wrong (which I truly believe it isn’t) still wouldn’t act that way towards someone, because they know that love is most important. Daron, I hope you meet someone at some point who redeems the awful impression these so called “Christians” have given you.

    Alsoooo, lets keep in mind that those painkillers probably just make you more honest and less inhibited than usual; therefore, I think I can infer that you LOOOVE Jonathan, at least a little bit…. And why wouldn’t you?? He’s FANTASTIC!!! <3

    • daron says:

      I’m glad you said so. (I’ll add that not all heavy metal dudes are bashers, either.)

      As for the drugs, yes, they definitely take my inhibitions to zero. It’s like they turn my usual filter off and replace it with a different one, one that filters everything coming in through my senses but not what comes out of my mouth.

      More on Jonathan and Christianity next post… coming up in the morning.

  • Sand says:

    I’ve had the same thing said to me Daron :\ so your not alone in this…

  • Lars says:

    Those guys from MM are hypocrites. Remember the Bible saying. “Judge not lest ye be judged?” Daron you rock. You are a great guy and you’re greatly loved. MM are the same false prophets that the same Bible warns us about. Haha.

  • Frank says:

    As Daron said, a few years earlier his reaction to such a confrontation might have been very different.
    Thinking about that I went to http://www.thetrevorproject.com and left a gift.

    There are more hateful people than Dave out there and we need to do what we can to help.

    • ctan says:

      I am so moved that you were moved to make such a donation. I first supported The Trevor Project when Daniel Radcliffe was promoting them.

  • s says:

    I have had 3 separate conversations in the last month about homosexuality/the bible/equality, which seems like a lot considering I’m straight. The point? It’s 2015 and people still have some fucked up views. Sorry you had to go through that, Daron. Some people just suck. Fortunately you are surrounded by people who love you.

    Now, oh god…J…sigh

    • daron says:

      In a weird way maybe it’s healthy for me to hear how wrong what they said was, though. I mean, maybe part of getting over hating myself is realizing how dumb it is for them to hate me.

  • Bill Heath says:

    I am a Christian and a scientist. I look to science where it can provide explanations. There is little in the peer-reviewed literature about the origin of sexual orientation. ALL OF IT. not just most of it, ALL OF IT comes down on the side of hardwired at birth.

    Homosexuality is not a choice, it is hard-wired. You can’t “cure” hardwired, you can’t be ashamed of hardwired, you can’t choose hard-wired.

    There are 613 commandments in the Old Testament. On Mount Sinai Moses was told what the top ten were. So, all the others are equal. Eating shellfish is as sinful as being a homosexual. In other words, forget it.

    Most of the laws in the Old Testament are simply good advice for the times and the environment. Consider dietary laws, which are intended to keep one from becoming ill. At the time the Bible was written, the world was grossly underpopulated. Sexual release through homosexual conduct didn’t contribute to population increase. Therefore, it was made a sin to do something that didn’t increase the population.

    Those who fail to put the Bible in historical context, and who fail to keep current on peer-reviewed literature, can only be described as wilfully blind.

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