Title: Nobody But Us
Pairing: Ziggy/Jonathan/Daron, Ziggy/Jonathan
Word Count: 4247
Summary: A continuation of chapter 152, from Ziggy’s point of view. With one section of the original text in Daron’s POV woven in.
Note: In true DGC fashion, Chris has included a video for the end.
Nobody But Us
(Ziggy’s Point of View)
I’m standing in the hallway of the hotel, outside of the door to our room. I could just go right in, nothing says I couldn’t or shouldn’t; nothing but my fear of what I might find on the other side. Earlier tonight, Daron and Jonathan (the freelance journalist-slash-groupie) had both disappeared, and it was pretty obvious they had left together. The rest of us ended up going out to dinner, and then I hit a couple of places, including a dance club. I didn’t run into them. Normally I’d still be out; instead here I am outside the door wondering if they had come back to the hotel, and if they were in there in bed. Together. I can hear quiet voices on the other side of the door, so I know the answer to at least part of the question.
I’m pretty sure what I’m feeling isn’t jealousy, at least from a purely sexual perspective. If I had to say I suppose it is more envy than jealousy. I want Daron. I want him sexually, but I also want him as a friend, a collaborator, a muse. I want our spark back. I want to be able to share the stage with him, put my back up against his on stage and feel his sweat soaking into me through our clothes. I want to look into his eyes and sing the words we have written together as if the audience isn’t even there. I want the awkwardness to go away. Unfortunately, it isn’t just about what I want.
This envy–or possibly jealousy–it’s because Daron wants to hang out with Jonathan while I’m being shut out. Literally. I don’t know how I’m going to feel if I walk in and find the answer to the second half of the question, if the answer is that Jonathan has finally gotten what it’s so obvious he’s been wanting: Daron. To knock or not to knock that’s the only question, because I’m sure as hell going into that room. The voices on the other side of the door have gotten quiet; my arm moves without my conscious decision and I swipe the card key, turn the knob, and push the door open.
Daron and Jonathan are in the sitting area, fully dressed, and I let out a breath I wasn’t aware I had been holding. Daron looks up as I come through the door, and I can’t tell if the look that flashes across his face is guilt or annoyance.
(Excerpt Daron’s original narration):
“I’m not interrupting anything, am I?”
See, that’s Ziggy in a nutshell–always asking you a question that you can’t answer. If I answered it “yes” or if I answered “no” it’d still sound wrong. And saying nothing would be just as bad.
Fortunately, Jonathan was quicker on the uptake than me, and he said something I wouldn’t have expected. “We were just wondering where you were.”
Ziggy smiled and gave me a sideways look. “Oh yeah?”
J leaned against the chair back. “Yeah, we went all over the city tonight but we got to wondering what everyone else did. See anything fun?”…There was a knock at the connecting door from one of the side rooms then and I opened it to find Bart standing there. “I wondered if you guys were in here.”
“Nobody but us in here, nobody but us,”
(Ziggy’s Point of View:)
Eventually the whole gang ends up in our room. Bart and Daron are sitting together playing, the rest of us being social. With everyone hanging out it feels a bit like we are playing a verbal game of checkers. I can top that story, king me. I like to be King. It might surprise some people to know that I’m not always comfortable in social situations like this. So, I either take center stage or leave. Not much middle ground with me. Tonight I am not about to leave. Drinks are flowing freely and I feel the excitement of being here (here being the inside side of the door) combined with the relief that tonight is not the night that I may have to admit that I’ve lost Daron for good.
Jonathan fits right in. He knows a lot about music and musicians. He’s intelligent, well spoken, educated, and comfortable. He’s also cute in a slightly nerdy way. There was a time that I thought he might be interested in me. He’s clearly a fan, but it’s become obvious that he is into Daron. I can’t help myself and I start to flirt with Jonathan. I enjoy the thought that I might be able to divert Jonathan’s attention from Daron to me. Cock blocking at its finest. It’s not that I want Jonathan, but in my alcohol-fuzzed mind, hooking up with Jonathan makes perfect sense. I occasionally catch Jonathan watching Daron and maybe I’m seeing things that aren’t there, but I’m pretty sure he’s watching me with renewed interest now, too.
In my head the internal dialogue is going something like this, “You catch J’s interest, whatcha going to do about it? You’re acting like a dog chasing a car, what will you do if you catch it? Chew the fuckin’ bumper off that mother, that’s what! Really? You want to stop Daron from being with J so bad that you’d do that? Is it that you don’t want Daron to want J? Or is it that you want J to want you more than Daron? Am I in competition with Daron to prove I can ‘get’ Jonathan, or in competition with Jonathan to prove that I can ‘keep’ Daron? Maybe I just want them both to want me, and not each other.” Fuuuuccckkkk!!!! Dogs chasing cars on busy streets never win… they end up as road kill.
While I’ve been lost in my head some of the people in the room have cleared out. Since I still have no idea what I want to do, I hand out another round to keep the party going. Then someone else passes another round, and another. It’s a typical night-on-the-road room party. People are talking, singing, drinking, and a couple of joints being passed around. Not as wild as some bands, but not a church choir either. Everyone seems relaxed and having fun. No obvious drama, but lurking underneath are all the little tensions we’ve kind of just gotten used to.
At this point, I’m sitting on the floor, knees bent and my back against the wall. From this perspective I’m looking up at everyone, the result is that I feel distanced, like I’m watching everyone through a window. Then I make eye contact again with Jonathan and hold it for several seconds. Jonathan licks his bottom lip and glances away. I follow to where he’s looking and see Daron still playing guitar with his head down and his hair covering most of his face. I look back to Jonathan and once again meet his eyes.
I close my eyes and breathe in deeply. When I open my eyes again everyone has silently left, leaving Daron still quietly playing in the chair, and Jonathan sprawled out on the couch. Jonathan and I once again lock eyes and I feel one side of my mouth lift into a grin. Jonathan’s eyes spark and he presses back into the hotel couch. I slowly get up from the floor, and realize that my muscles are a bit stiff from sitting on there so long. Once I’m on my feet I stretch, arching back and raising my arms over my head. This causes my tee shirt to rise and exposes the bare skin across my stomach. I see Jonathan once again lick his lips. I’m pretty sure that I see Daron peeking from behind the fringe of hair that is covering his eyes. Jonathan is watching me, I’m watching Daron–Daron is acting like he doesn’t know either of us are still in the room.
I step toward Daron and slowly reach out my hand and lay it on his right shoulder. I feel his muscles tense beneath my hand but he stops playing. The silence feels loud. I motion for Daron to put his guitar aside. I know him well enough to know that he doesn’t want me to take it, or trust anyone but himself to secure it and protect it from possible damage. Daron stands and carries it to his hard shell case and bends to place it gently inside. Once the guitar is secure he turns and looks at both Jonathan and me. I’ve stepped back toward the couch but I’m not standing between Daron and Jonathan. I gesture to the couch and say, “have a seat and come talk to us for a while.”
When I look closer, Daron’s eyes show that he’s drunk enough to be noticeably buzzed. As he moves to sit down on the couch, he is more relaxed or maybe just less tense than I’ve seen him lately. Good. He plops down beside J and their knees bump. Neither one of them startles or moves. It could be they haven’t noticed, or maybe they have had enough to drink that it doesn’t matter. I’m hoping for the latter. I can’t say what I’m feeling at this point, I don’t think I’m making conscious decisions. I have tingles of excitement and anticipation zinging through me. I’ve moved in behind Jonathan and I reach out and place my hand on Jonathan’s shoulder like I did to Daron just a few minutes ago. “Hey man, what a night. Not every day you can listen to THE Daron Moondog play for hours on end…well unless you are on the road with us, then you do kinda listen to Daron play every day for hours on end. Are you going to be coming along for the ride, J?” Wow, that question could have so many meanings.
Jonathan turns his head to answer me and I let the momentum slide my hand from his shoulder to the back of his neck. His neck is warm, and I let my hand rest there.
“No, heading back home tomorrow” he replies.
It looked like he might have more to say, but I let my fingers start to stroke the back of his neck lightly. Just my fingertips making barely-there movement and I hold my breath for a second while I wait for his reaction. Jonathan doesn’t pull away, but his gaze meets mine. Then he quickly moves his head to look at Daron. J’s head is swiveling, literally caught in the middle with no idea where he should be focused.
Daron had sat down facing both Jonathan and me so I know he can see my hand on Jonathan’s neck, but the only way he would know I was stroking Jonathan was by the slightly nervous look on Jonathan’s face.
I pull back my hand so that it rests between Jonathan’s shoulder and neck and then flip it over so that the back brushes against Jonathan’s jaw. No way can Daron miss that. Daron shifts and looks directly at me. His eyes drop to my hand then he looks me in the eyes.
I look back steadily and say, “It’s a shame J’s only here for tonight. We had a good time tonight, but we could have had so much more fun if we had run into each other in one of the clubs. We could have danced…” and I start to slowly sway and move my hips.
I’m taking crazy chances, counting on the atmosphere and alcohol to work in my favor. I’m sure that Jonathan is well aware of the hot and cold dynamic between me and Daron. He may even think that three ways have happened on the road before. Wouldn’t be unusual with bands out on tour. J’s familiar with the scene. I just don’t know how well Jonathan really knows Daron, and it’s that question that is driving me to push the boundaries now.
My movements bring me more fully behind Jonathan and I use my hand on his neck again to propel him forward. I move into the space created behind him and press more fully against his shoulders. Daron is watching and Jonathan starts to lean forward toward Daron. Jonathan’s movement causes Daron to look from me to Jonathan. I’m not sure what is going to happen. I’m expecting Jonathan to get up and move away or Daron to do something…but I’m not expecting what Daron does. He leans forward, grabs Jonathan on either side of his face, and pulls him into a kiss.
Daron’s eyes open and he looks directly into mine. Is this a dare? A test? A booze-fueled potential for future regret? I move my hand and place it over Daron’s on the side of Jonathan’s face. Daron’s eyes close again and I hear Jonathan moan quietly. I know it will sound crazy but for a second I had forgotten Jonathan was between us. I stifle the urge to push Jonathan away. I don’t want him between us. The little voice in my head once again reminds me that it’s not always about what I want.
I slide down onto the couch behind Jonathan on my knees and move my other hand to wrap around his chest from behind. I don’t try to pull him back into me; I lean forward and press into him. Daron breaks the kiss and looks at me over Jonathan’s shoulder. I feel a tremor go through Jonathan and I rest my chin on his shoulder. I tilt my head so that it’s pressing along Jonathan’s and look at Daron, encouraging him but allowing him to decide what will happen next.
I move the hand covering Daron’s to wrap behind his neck and pull him toward me. I slide my other hand from around Jonathan’s chest to rest at the button on Jonathan’s jeans. Daron moves in, but not all the way to my lips. I quirk my eyebrow and he finally gives me a look like he’s come to a decision. Daron leans forward and BAM…pops me on the side of the head.
“What the hell?” I croak as I jerk awake. I look up and Bart is standing over me. Apparently the smack to the head was from Bart.
“Hey, Sleeping Beauty, the party is over.”
I realize I’ve either zoned out or dozed off sitting against the wall. Everyone is gone except for Bart, Daron, Jonathan and me. Daron is putting his guitar away and I get a strange sense of déjà vu. Bart looks like he’s waiting for me to leave, but I’m not planning on going anywhere. I get up and stretch, lifting my arms over my head and cranking my neck from side to side. Jonathan is still sitting where he has been most of the evening. Bart sighs and walks toward the connecting door from the suite to his room, with a final look over his shoulder and a slight shake of his head, he heads for his own bed.
Daron is finished messing with his guitar. He looks at me and then at Jonathan.
“I’m going to hit the bathroom, wash my hands and stuff…” Daron mumbles, letting the last part of the sentence just drop off under his breath. I’m not sure how much he’s had to drink while playing, but he looks nicely relaxed and a bit sleepy. It’s a good look on him. I know I’m staring at him, but I just can’t help myself. Now that I’m awake and most of my pre-nap buzz has worn off, I’m ready to go again. I watch Daron until he’s in the bathroom and out of my line of sight.
“Hey, J., do you need some help getting the extra pillows and blankets out of the closet? Or do you have another room?” I ask. Not subtle, but I do want to know where he plans on sleeping. I and know where I plan on him not sleeping.
Jonathan gets up and heads toward the closet. “I can grab them. Daron offered me the couch since there is one in the suite.”
While Jonathan is pulling the pillow and blanket out, I walk toward the bedroom doorway to see if Daron is still in the bathroom or if maybe he decided to hop in the shower. The bathroom door is open and the light is off. Daron is stretched out on his stomach on one o the double beds, arms wrapped around a pillow, asleep. I laugh under my breath, not surprised. Just to make sure he’s really asleep and not just faking it, I tiptoe closer and lean down to check. He’s making very quiet snuffling sounds and his breath is even. Movement behind his eyelids and small twitches make it pretty obvious he has crashed out.
Jonathan is in the doorway with his arms full of bedding.
“He’s a party pooper” I whisper to Jonathan nodding my head toward Daron. J nods in agreement or maybe just acknowledging that he heard me. We both turn and go into the sitting area. Jonathan bends over the couch to start spreading the bedding and I try to remember if the looks between us earlier were real or part of my dream. I’m pretty sure some were real.
“So….” I say quietly as I approach him and grab an end of the blanket to help spread it the length of the sofa. He looks up at me and I can see that the heated looks from earlier were not just my imagination. Our gazes catch and hold and there is more than just a flicker of interest in his eyes. Eventually he breaks eye contact and gives himself a slight shake. The shake causes him to lose his balance and he sways.
“Hey there,” I say as I reach out to steady him, at first with just my hand but as he turns toward me I steady him with a hand on each bicep.
“Shit, I didn’t realize I drank that much. Good thing it’s time to crash. I’ve got a major buzz going,” he says as he stands there in my grasp.
“How much of a buzz? Just enough to do crazy shit buzz or too much to keep it up buzz?” I ask him.
“Oh, I can keep it up.”
Using the grip I have on his arms I pull him against my chest. He’s taller than me, but not enough to make being chest to chest uncomfortable. He puts a hand on each of my hips, almost stroking my hipbones through my jeans. I push and close the last little bit of distance between us so that our dicks are separated only by bulky zippers and denim. I can feel that he’s already hard, so maybe he’s right that he can keep it up, even while drunk. I’m only half hard but it won’t be a problem because I can already feel myself getting harder. Jonathan moves to bring his lips to mine and brushes across my lips with the tip of his tongue.
I open my mouth to let him in and the kiss turns hard and urgent. I move my hands behind his head and grip his hair in my fingers and hold him still while I attack his mouth with mine. The little voice in my head whispers to me once more, telling me that this is the motherfucker who wants to push me out and be with Daron. He doesn’t deserve Daron if he’s willing to be rubbing his hard cock against me. The little voice is obviously on my side right now, because it doesn’t tell me that the same logic could apply to me.
Letting up on the kiss, I move my hands slowly downward. When I reach his chest I circle his nipples through his shirt and feel that they are already hard. Reaching down to the hem of his shirt I slide my hands underneath to touch his skin. Rubbing upward I find his nipples and pinch them and then lightly scratch each one with my fingernails. He pushes harder against me and groans quietly. We’re both being very quiet, fully aware of who is asleep just feet away from us. I’m not really worried about Daron waking up; we’ve shared hotel rooms on the road too long for me to not know how deeply he sleeps. The little voice smirks, because I do know Daron better than Jonathan and I intend to do my best to keep it that way.
Jonathan’s fingers move to the top button on my jeans and pop it open. Without pulling down my zipper he reaches his hand under my waistband and grabs hold of my dick. I’m reaching for his zipper when the thought flashes through my mind that Jonathan is basically a reporter and we have not discussed “off the record.” Maybe he’s had that conversation with Daron and I’m covered under an “umbrella agreement” or maybe he just isn’t the type of guy who would use this to his advantage. And who are we kidding; I really don’t care right now. So, without worrying about it anymore I grab his dick through his jeans and give it a hard squeeze. It’s only a matter of seconds before both of us have our dicks out and his hand is moving up and down squeezing me and causing my hips to begin to move into a slow thrusting dance.
I sit down on the couch, and then I lean back. Jonathan is watching. I lift my butt and push my jeans down to just below my hips. Jonathan comes over to join me and I spread my legs as much as I can with my jeans bunched. He takes the hint and sits down in the V I’ve made between my legs. I pull him into another kiss. The kissing and touching quickly heat up again. I put my hand on his shoulder and give him a light but firm shove. He understands and moves down to grab my cock by the base and pull it toward his mouth. I see him lick his bottom lip, then swipe his tongue across the tip of my dick, across the already wet head. I use my hips to push my dick further between his lips and his mouth moves down lower on my cock. He still has his hand wrapped loosely around the base and his lips meet his hand. Reaching down I slide my fingers back into his hair and help him pick up the rhythm that I like best.
I start to thrust my hips harder. His hand at the base at some point has slipped off so that my dick is now hitting the back of his throat. I’m trying to shove my cock down his throat; I want him to feel it there tomorrow. I want his voice to be raspy for days. It’s with these thoughts that I slam into his mouth as hard as I can while holding the back of his head so that he can’t pull away. All of a sudden I feel him trying pull back–I let go of his hair and look down. He looks a bit… green is really the only word I can think of that accurately describes it, with a touch of frantic mixed in.
He sits up suddenly, slaps his hand across his mouth and mumbles between his fingers, “Oh God… going to be sick.”
I push him off me and he jumps to his feet, not quite steady but with the clear aim of making it to the bathroom. As I watch him go, I remember how much everyone has been drinking and I wonder just how drunk Jonathan is. Would he have been willing to suck me off if he wasn’t drunk? I’d like to think so. He shuts the door behind him and I can hear the muted sounds of him getting sick.
I stand up and pull up my pants. I push everything back into my jeans and get it settled, still semi-hard in spite of the sudden interruption. With one last look toward the closed bathroom door and a peek at Daron sleeping soundly in his bed, I decide that it’s pretty obvious that nothing else is going to happen here tonight. I look at the second bed in the room–my bed–and it looks very empty.
With a final look at the bed I want to be in and at the empty bed I have zero interest of being in, I head for the door. Once again in the hallway, I turn toward the elevators. My feet carry me out into the night, toward the spots in DC where I know I can forget the fear and loneliness for a while.
Leaning against a cool wall in the back of a club, the music thumping through me and a hot mouth on my dick finishing what was interrupted earlier, I feel good. By the time I crawl back into my bed in our room, Jonathan will be gone and it will just be us again. Nobody but us.
(Learn more about fanworks for Daron’s Guitar Chronicles here: https://daron.ceciliatan.com/fanworks)