177. Get Off My Cloud

So we got to see more of Boulder than we otherwise would have. That afternoon Bart and Chris and I had lunch and wandered around the pedestrian mall in the center of town, poking around stores selling nifty Western minerals and kites and mountaineering gear. In a bookstore we saw our publicity photo was on the cover of Rocker, what do you know. I didn’t buy it. We hung out for a little while in the mainstream record shop where Jason worked, shooting the shit. He was looking forward to tonight, and I guess I was, too. The mountains stood like a curtain on one side of us and I found myself kind of orienting to them as we walked around, like knowing where downtown was in New York by the World Trade Center.

We went back to the hotel to change clothes and pick up the guitars before heading over to the hall. I was sorting through T-shirts when Ziggy came to the door of my room. “Hey,” he said, and sat on the bed where I was laying shirts out.

“Hey,” I said, not looking up from my sorting.

He sat quietly for a moment, but only a moment. “I want to apologize for the other night.”

“For what?” Black shirts in one pile, white shirts in the other.

“For picking a fight with you. For acting all bent out of shape about Jonathan. I know it was stupid. I don’t know what I was thinking.” He leaned on one arm, making a dip in the bed as he bent toward me. “So, I’m sorry.”

“Apology accepted,” I said, pulling an oversize white shirt with black letters on it from the pile. I folded it apart from the others and started putting the others back into my duffel bag. I should have discovered this ‘I’m busy’ trick with the laundry before.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see him suck his lower lip into his mouth. “You’re still mad at me, aren’t you.”

“Mad at you for what? I said apology accepted.” I shrugged and looked into his face so he’d believe me. He didn’t move for a few more moments.

“I feel like you’re slipping away from me,” he said.

No shit, Sherlock, I thought, but didn’t say it. You’re only figuring that out now?

I looked back at the shirts in my hands. We were supposed to have a laundry day in San Francisco that we were going to miss from staying the extra day in Colorado. Hopefully the hotel there could do what we needed. Big city hotels did have their advantages.

He still hadn’t moved. I didn’t want to fight. I wanted to tell him to stop driving me away, but I knew that would turn into a fight. Is this what people mean when they say things in movies like Just give me some space? I need some space?

“Don’t worry about it,” I said, after a while.

It was the advice I was giving myself.


  • Rikibeth says:

    I hope this conversation means the two of you can share a stage without your conflict sucking all the energy out of the performance. I’ve given up expecting more than that.

  • Emma says:

    It’s interesting that Ziggy’s and Daron’s relationship has completely changed around.
    And now Ziggy’s the one that’s feeling left behind whilst Daron can just stand there and think about something as simple is laundry… I can’t help but say that I think Ziggy deserves it.

    • daron says:

      It kind of means I’m being a dick to him, which I don’t like, but I feel like I have to put up a wall.

    • I don’t think Ziggy deserves it. He’s been bending over backwards for weeks now to avoid hurting/upsetting Daron. How long is Daron going to keep punishing him?

      • ctan says:

        I’ll point out that although it’s been weeks for us readers, it’s actually only been days in story-time since some things like… Zig’s blatant jealous acting out over Jonathan, the manipulative affair with Carynne, not to mention the knock-down-drag-out war of words in NOLA.

        Not that Ziggy doesn’t appreciate you taking his side. 😉

  • Sara Winters says:

    I guess that could’ve been a lot more awkward. I keep wondering what kind of reaction Ziggy wants when he doesn’t get one. Does he want Daron to scream, cry, beg him for something? Or is he waiting for Daron to voice exactly what he wants – and is disappointed that he hasn’t said it’s him?

    • ctan says:

      I don’t know what kind of reaction Ziggy wants, but provoking one is definitely something he tries to do a lot. And the more controlled and deadpan Daron becomes, the more provocative he can get. Although maybe it’s finally starting to sink in that it isn’t working anymore.

  • s says:

    I know you’re the author so this probably sounds stupid but…I disagree. Ziggy’s been trying a lot longer than just a few days. He tried on Daron’s bday. He’s done things off and on to try to get him to talk and tell him how he feels. Daron’s wants him to say it first, then gets all defensive and angsty when he does.

    I’ll say it again…boys!

    • ctan says:

      It’s not stupid at all. 🙂 The story exists as its own thing, open to be interpreted by all as they see it. My interpretation isn’t automatically “better” than anyone else’s, just different. (Also, Daron and I don’t agree about everything either… and neither do me and Ziggy. Well, and we know Daron and Ziggy don’t agree about everything!)

    • Bill Heath says:

      I’m with you and I’m not. Ziggy has been alternating trying, and pushing Daron’s buttons. Every time he does the latter it destroys all progress made by the former.

      At the outset Ziggy offloaded a plane full of baggage on Daron. He’s still sifting through it. When he’s done sifting, he can start focusing on Ziggy as a potential relationship. As with Ziggy’s need to switch tacks to one that might require years to work, the baggage shifting is going to take a looooooooooooooooooooooooong time.

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