497. Ziggy’s Diary: 25

Ecstasy is seductive. Like drugs except without the bad side effects. It’s blinding in its way, too. I’ve been through every kind of emotion while singing here. Sometimes the entire group will float upward in joy. Sometimes we’ll mysteriously all cry. This spiritual cleansing and energizing is very seductive–of course it is. It feels good beyond all meaning of the word “good.”

But as my awareness grows, and it has taken time for that awareness to develop, I realize that the white light that fills me has a shadow deep within. The scar, the blockage, the dark space into which no light seeps, is the damage I did to myself by turning my love into a weapon and his love into a bunker.

I did that. I am responsible.

Can god absolve me of that?

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